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 Stories : What Women Want
"What Women Want"  by Josh

The jig is up, ladies. I got you figured out. See, all the guys are here asking "What? You're crazy! Girls can never be figured out, man." The girls are here with a smirk on their faces, thinking "No way we let out our secret to this dude." They're ready to pounce on the first mistake I make. So I got to be careful, very careful. But fellas, if you read this and follow my advice, you can kiss your hand good bye. Make sure you wash them first, you pervs.

Where did I get all this info, you might ask? Well, I did a lot of soul searching after my last breakup (candycoated for: she took off). I think every guy does this after this type of situation. But what every guy don't have is tons of free time and a T1 line at work. I started digging. Hell if I'm gonna go back into battle without my helmut, I thought to myself. So I read tons of stuff on relationships and what women supposedly wants from guys. Yada yada yada. I took all this information and opinion and tried to make sense out of it. Here's what I came up with.

Women want the same thing men want. See, they want to confuse you into thinking that men and women are so different. That way they got the confusion working for them, they got the upper hand. But they want the exact same thing. Sex? Yup, they want that. A challenge? Oh yeah. Probably one of the biggest things that they want is a challenge. A person totally whooped on them? Hell, no. You don't want that. You can be damn sure that girls don't want that either.

I guess maybe we should examine what love is, or rather what it should and shouldn't be. Love should be an joining of two people, bringing all that they are as a person into the relationship. That way you got a great thing as a result. A joining of two lives. What you don't want is to have a love relationship where one person is a whole person while the other person isn't sure who they are. These kinds of people want/need to be in a relationship to bring meaning to themselves. They try to find their self worth through the relationship. They want their mate to define who they are, give them a purpose. Kinda sad. I broke up with my first girlfriend and spent about 4 years out of a relationship during college. During that time I found out who I truly was. I discovered what I liked, what I could stand, and what I refuse to put up with. I learned to respect myself and realized that I was a complete person without anyone else.

Any relationship from that moment on would be icing on the cake, but my cake could be served on its own as well. Solitude is nothing to fear. It defines a man (or woman) by how they deal with solitude. Anyways, this is one of the things that girls want. They want someone who is a complete person, not an empty container waiting for someone to fill them. They want someone who has their own view and interests. Someone who has their own goals and fears. Someone totally confortable with who they are and with themselves. Guys, you should really try to stay close with your other friends while in a relationship. Pursue your hobbies and passions. Let her know she's a big part of your life, but understand that the key word is "part". Don't let the relationship be the only reason you wake up in the morning. Otherwise, you're in trouble. If the relationship ever falls apart, will you be able to handle life without her/him? Its dangerous to put all your eggs into one basket.

A loving relationship needs time to develop. You can't just rush into it and try to set up the framework for a relationship over night or in a week. Sometimes, we are only comfortable when we are in a relationship so we try to set it up too fast. What happens when a building or structure is built too quickly? You guessed it. It falls down. Girls don't want a guy to fall in love with them too quickly. They'll see it as fake if you try, that you're feelings are cheap. "I love you's" must be earned, not given away. And not given too soon. Sure it feels good to say it, but say it when you honestly mean it. And don't be saying it like its going out of style. That'll cheapen it too. When a guy first says that to a girl, she wants to feel like she earned it. It should be the peak of the mountain, so to speak. Like she worked and toiled up Mt. Everest and finally can rest at the peak. Its all about the challenge. Which leads me to...

Ok, nobody wants to admit it but a big part of a relationship is getting the other person to fall in love with you. Its a game. I shouldn't say that. But deep down its true. Each of us have our doubts and feelings of inadequecies. All of us, from the most confident person to the most shy. A big part of the thrill of love, that feeling of love, is thinking "Wow, I can't believe this person loves me! Me, with all my shortcomings and flaws. I must not be all that bad as I think." Blam. Guys, think about this and remember this. It is the truth. You get this smile on your face when you think of your girlfriend, and deep down you're amazed that she wants you to be such a big part of her life! But what do some guys do? On the second date, they start telling their dates that they love them. They're thinking "Quick. I need to love someone, and fast. You'll do." And she's thinking "This guy hardly knows me and he's telling me this? No challenge. I don't feel anything for him now." Guys, think about it. Haven't you ever had a girl go out with you and you didn't have to do a damn thing? In fact, you knew she liked you already and you don't respect her as much for it. And what happens when she starts going out with someone else and ignoring you? You want her. Same for girls. They're looking for the challenge, however subconciously. They want to earn your love, not have it given to them without any effort. That's no fun. You got to learn to hold a little back. Keep her interested by keeping her challenged.

I noticed women are more attracted to guys that are taken. Well, I read in one website that nobody wants to eat at a restaurant without any cars parked outside. How true. Women look at a guy who's with a girl and think to themselves "Hey, she's going out with him. There must be something good about him." I think its a subconscious thing though. In fact, if they see you with a lot of girls hanging around you and you choose to be with her. Well, you got it made. How much of a self esteem boost did you just give her? Now say that you don't have any girls hanging around and giving you the time of day. And she sees this. She's gonna be thinking "Then why the hell do I want to go out with this guy? Of course he'll dedicate himself to me. He ain't got anyone else!" How much of a self esteem lowering are you gonna give this girl? My advice. You know all those friends who are women? Be seen with them as much as possible. In bars, at clubs, at parties.

Nice guys vs the Bad Boys. Why do girls seem to constantly go for the bad boys while complaining about how abusive he is and why they can't just find a nice guy. They're usually saying this while crying on the nice guy's shoulders. Why? Because the bad boy poses a challenge. Here's this untamed person, this bad boy. The girl thinks to herself "if I can tame him, I must be special. If I can earn his love, then I'm the luckiest girl alive." The only reason girls go for bad boys is because the bad boy ignores them, holds back their feelings. The nice guy is telling her he loves her and basically giving it all to her on a platter. No work done. No feeling of accomplishment. Also, the bad boy is confident. He could care less what the girl thinks. The nice guy is insecure and hesitant. Women like confidence in a guy, not a cocky overbearing confidence. But a lowkey, almost humble confidence. An unspoken confidence.

I'll say this to my grave...its the challenge that creates the feeling of being in love. Its subconscious and there are other factors that create the feeling of love. But the challenge is the spark that gets the fire going.

Of course girls want a guy who is kind, caring, dependable. They want a guy who makes sacrifices for them, someone who will take them out for picnics and night on the town. They want a guy with a sense of humor. I'm saying to the guys, you can be all these things to a girl and still retain that challenge and self dependency. Its not easy, but nothing that's worth it is easy.